Reborn.....

The wind blows through my hair as I hide behind the wall facing an empty land. Tears start to trickle down my cheeks as my heart ceases to thump hard. Scenes flash in front of eyes..my children, my husband. They have denounced me thanks to a silly misunderstanding..Half of my body screams to run away and the other half drags me back to forget and get back.Which half of me wins in the next few minutes will decide my course of life thereafter...

I decide that I have had enough. I want to move on. I dont think motherhood or marriage has helped me identify my purpsoe of life. I sob like a child as i fall to my knees and burry my head between my knees. The sacrificies that I have made flashes in front of my eyes as my tear reserves dry up and I set my eyes on the setting sun...

The sacrifice of a girl, the sacrrifice of a newly wed wife, the scarifice of a mother, the scarifice of a daughter, the sacrifice of a daughter-in-law, the sacrifice as an employer. The thankless world and all the people in it who are just eager to see you in pain. The voyeristic pleasure they get at seeing you live a miserable life. Did I gain something by doing this other than the wrinkles of age?

I am done...I choose to leave...I choose to travel far from home.

A dagger strikes my heart as I realise that my children will grow to hate me...The pain is unbearable and I shriek...a dog settles down beside me and whines...I realise how vulnerable i am...I realise that I feel like a child...a lost child...I cry out to my God to accept me back as happily as he could.

A strange sense of calm surges through my being as I rise to my feet. I take a few deep breaths before I take the maiden steps into my new life!

I feel myself falling down into an abyss...

I wake up with a start, panting and realise that I am lying down next to my beautiful child and husband..I utter a sentence of gratitude to the God's above and lie back on my pillow turning towards my daughter pulling her closer to me...

Damn you oh elf of bad dreams....Shoo shoo..!!!

Alicia - My daughter

I wake up from sleep


And turn around in bed

To look at your face

The serenity and calmness

Makes my heart skip a beat and a smile flutters on my lips



I bring my lips close to your cheeks

A kiss that makes me want to gather you in my arms

Squeeze you tight and never let you go

The warmt that makes me feel whole



You stir in your sleep and turn your face up

Crooned in the warm nook of the pillow

I gaze at your eyes and cheeks

How could God create such a perfect masterpiece



I plant my feet upon the ground and pray

That angels protect you through the day

My love I wish I could stay by your side all day

But my daily chores beckon me



I rush past the day and all that I think of

Is ringing the bell and you opening the door

Your bubbling smile and the joy at seeing me

Makes the day so complete



I wish I didnt have to go away to work

I wish I could spend every minute with you

I cant get enough of you

Ooh I am in love again!!

Happy half bday baby!!

Peanut completed 6 months yesterday..She is 0.5yrs now..Gosh time just flies..Even though I am happy, there is this painful pinch deep within that time is flying and I still haven't got enough of her..Peanut is amazing..She has her own character now. She tries to sit down. She is so busy rolling and trying to sit and falling off and screaming and laughing at her own antics. You could sit beside her all day and just laugh..She breaks into hysterical laughter when I pull the sheet off her face! That just delights Mama!! Amma(MIL) keeps scolding me for making her laugh like this...Says that she will lose all her weight ;)

As a bday treat, I fed her boiled carrots yesterday..Hehehe...devilish isnt it?? well she liked the first few bites and then she started spitting it out..Lets see if she will have it today..I need to train her to eat veggies...

She sleeps like an angel in the night somedays. Today I woke up half an hour earlier than what my alarm is set to. And I find her sleeping on her tummy.. I turn her over and she moans in her sleep. After a lot of play and fuss she slept like a log through the night from 11pm-8am..Amazing!!! She keeps rolling back on her tummy in her sleep..Sometimes I find her stuck trying to get into her sitting position..Its so adorable..When I feed her and she has had enough, she turns to the other side(towards her Dad) and buries her sweet face in her small pillow.I could eat her up!! She is yummilicious..I am so happy I decided to keep her here in Bng rather than send her off to my Mom's place..I would have missed all these beautiful moments and I would have never been able to forgive myself for that!

Gosh I will miss all this when I travel. Yesterday DH told me not to go. I wish I didnt have to...But I must to get some money..I will miss my amazing and lovely family..!!

We booked our flat on Sunday 27th June,2010....Peanut became hyper when we got into the flat...Its a nice one and I have great ideas of designing it...Not sure how we will finance it. And Peanut is growng fast.. Petrol and Gas prices are zooming!! I think I will teach Peanut at home till 1st Standard.;) That's how my Mom did it too..I was a clever student when I joined my school in 1st Std.Not boasting but a fact..My eng teacher was amazed I could read a whole chapter without any interruption or mistake.. I can never forget that moment. Its permanently etched in my memory..My first proud moment..And I owe that to my Mom!!